On the night of October fifteenth, twenty-year-old Tracy glared at herself in the mirror.  She wore a light purple dress that almost reached her knees, to show off her freshly shaved legs, with a low neckline to emphasize her average breasts and make them look larger than they were.  Her blonde hair was braided down her back and reached the faux leather belt that was wrapped loosely around her waist.  Tracy hated the way she looked.

She picked up a long, thin chain that sat on the counter next to the sink and slipped it over her head.  A small cross hung from it which she positioned just above her cleavage.  Her cell phone vibrated as she was putting in earrings.  It was a text message from her friend, Jaden.  "I'm at the park.  On your way?"

Tracy gave herself one more look-over in the mirror and sprayed some perfume on her neck.  She sent back a quick "yes" message to Jaden and left her house to go to the park.  She was supposed to meet a man Jaden was sure Tracy would love.  Tracy only agreed to meet him after Jaden begged for almost a week for permission to introduce them.

Tracy lived in a relatively small town in California, away from beaches and deserts.  She was raised by her mom and pare (a parent of unknown or nonbinary gender; Tracy's pare was androgynous), who were both pansexual and had taught her to be tolerant of all genders and sexes of humans.  They had raised her to be pansexual as well.  Biological sex, they said, was something a person had no control over, and so it shouldn't affect how she felt about anyone.  However, gender was something that said a lot about a person, whether the presented gender was woman, man, androgynous, genderless, or anything in between.  Gender was directly connected to personality, and so it was okay, according to her parents' ethics, to have preferences about gender when searching for a partner or partners.  Indeed, most of the country believed that limiting one's romantic and sexual interests to just one sex was discriminatory and wrong, while only liking a certain gender or genders was acceptable.  Most people who disagreed lived in states like Connecticut, where some churches and communities believed that monosexuality was natural and shouldn't be discouraged or labeled discriminatory and that it, like biological sex, was not a choice.  The people who believed that were, ironically, labeled discriminatory and made the butt of jokes.  They were just bad people, not to be taken seriously by the open-minded.

Tracy arrived at the park with a bad feeling in her stomach.  Jaden had given her a few details about this man, including his religion, career, and obviously his gender presentation.  "I know you like them masculine," Jaden had said to her.  "He's perfect for you."  And he did sound wonderful.  Tracy felt her feeling of dread grow with each step she took toward the clubhouse.

Jaden opened the door.  "Hey, Tracy.  He's not here yet, but come on in.  I'm just going to run to my car to get my soda, forgot it there--"

Tracy interrupted Jaden without really thinking.  "Can I walk with you?  I have a question about this man."  Tracy's heart was pounding and she felt her face flush.  She wasn't completely sure she wanted to do this, to talk to Jaden about this, but she wanted to get it over with.  She had meant to do this, thought about it, even planned it before, but always lost her nerve.  Behind Jaden, she could see lots of her friends standing around, talking, laughing, drinking.  It was a party, a cover to casually introduce Tracy to this man.  She felt like no air was getting into her lungs.  Her hands shook.  

Jaden didn't seem to notice Tracy's panic and shrugged.  "Sure, babe.  What do you want to know?"  They headed back into the parking lot.  Jaden's car was close, so Tracy needed to ask quickly.  They couldn't have this conversation around other people.

Jaden was probably Tracy's closest friend.  Tracy knew Jaden had a female body, but when clothed it looked like how Jaden identified: Closer to genderless than anything.  Most people didn't know another person's biological sex unless one saw another naked or asked and got an honest answer.  It was personal information and not everyone was willing to be that intimate with the general population.  Things like breasts, which could be noticed while wearing clothes, could be faked or taped down.  Pants could be stuffed.  There was just no way to tell for sure and most people liked it that way.  

They were halfway to the car when Tracy forced herself to speak.  Her lower jaw felt like it was duct-taped shut and she had to pry her mouth open to form words.  "I have a question, but you might not know the answer."

"Sure, what is it?"

Just say it, just say it, just say it, just say it... "Do you know this man's biological sex?"

Jaden glanced at her, looking bewildered and slightly amused.  "Hell no.  Why would I know something like that?"  There was a beat of silence.  "Wait, why do you want to know?"

Say it, say it, say it...  "I'm curious."

"You haven't even met him yet and you already want to know?  Damn, woman.  You know, I don't judge, so you have my permission to find out."  Jaden laughed, thinking Tracy just wanted to get laid.  Jaden was misinterpreting the conversation because the truth was something Jaden didn't want to think about, didn't want to assume, couldn't assume because it was too far "out there," because Jaden thought too highly of Tracy to think anything other than that Tracy wanted to get laid.  They reached the car.  Jaden unlocked it and grabbed a soda bottle from the cup holder.

Say it say it... "No, Jade, I mean..."  Jaden was smiling, innocent and oblivious and patiently waiting for something without being prepared for it at all.  SAY IT.  "I mean, it's important to me.  I want to know his sex before I date him."

Jaden snorted.  "Why?  Going prejudiced on me, now?"  It was a joke.  It was meant to get a laugh.  Poke fun at the people who were wrong, the small population that was bad for the country.  Tracy didn't know what to say, but there was no going back now.  Gradually, Jaden's smile faded and eyes narrowed.  "You can't be serious.  Tracy.  What the hell?"

Tracy felt sick.  Her hands were cold.  She swallowed.  "I can't help it," she whispered.

"You can't help it.  What, you only like males or something?  That's discrimination!"

"No!" Tracy said.  "No, it's not like that.  I can't help it, I didn't choose it.  If I could be attracted to all sexes I would be, but I can't."

"Why not?"

Tracy hesitated.  She didn't have an answer.  "I don't know.  I've tried to be with people who aren't male, I'm attracted to any kind of men, but once the clothes come off, I don't know, I don't know.  If he isn't male, I can't be okay.  Suddenly I'm grossed out, I'm turned off--"

"Tracy!  How can you say that?"  Jaden spoke quietly but urgently, glancing around to make sure no one was near.  "You sound like those crazies in Connecticut."

Tears welled up in Tracy's eyes.  Jaden wasn't going to understand like this.  There had to be more to say, something to open Jaden's eyes, but how could she convince Jaden when Tracy herself wasn't convinced?  People before her, wiser and more respected, had tried to explain this feeling and had failed, failed, failed.  Given them all a bad name.  It was impossible.  

"It's me.  Tracy, me.  You know me, you know I'm not... I'm not..."  The tears started to fall.

Jaden's mouth hung open, caught between disbelief and disgust.  "We grew up together," Jaden said, seemingly trying to agree.  Jaden didn't want to think Tracy was a bad person.  Abruptly, a tiny feeling of hope flared in Tracy's heart.  She had obviously chosen the right person to tell.  Jaden was the most truly open-minded person Tracy knew and their bond might be enough to at least give Tracy a chance. 

Jaden continued to talk.  "You've always been nice, I mean, you keep to yourself and you often seem so"--Jaden seemed to struggle to find the right word--"self-loathing.  Is this why?"

Tracy nodded.  "Ever since I realized that I was... a monosexual... I hated it.  I hated me.  I don't want to be like this, Jaden, please believe me.  When I was little, I hated those people in Connecticut, just like you do, but now I know... they're telling the truth.  It isn't a choice.  You can call them sick, or wrong, and maybe they are--maybe we are--but it isn't about discrimination."

Jaden took a deep breath and leaned back against the car.  The sound of an engine made them both look around.  A tiny blue truck was coming towards them.  It slid into a parking spot a few feet from them and Tracy got a glimpse of the driver.  Jaden muttered, "That's him."